Questions to ask before getting married?

What Are Your Financial Goals?

First, you need to talk about money. Money can be a major source of relationship stress between couples, so being on the same page early on is crucial.  You want to start a conversation and get a sense of whether the two of you are financially compatible—not in terms of how much you earn, but in how you view and manage money.

 

How Can I Help You When You’re Stressed?

One of the best things you can do for your partner is to learn how to help them when they’re down. Some people need reassurance, others need space, others need a pep talk—everyone is different.

Do You Want Children and What Would We Do if We Cannot Get Pregnant?

While you should definitely discuss whether or not you both want them, you also should have a broader conversation. Struggling to get pregnant can be devastating in a relationship, and it’s not the time you want to realize that one of you wants to go through IVF and the other thinks it’s too challenging—or one of you is open to adoption and the other isn’t.

What Are Your Expectations Around Childcare?

If you’re both set on wanting kids and how many, great! The next question to ask is how to raise them. Do you have any gender-based expectations? Are you a feminist? Which is your ideal situation—do we both work and take care of the kids? Would you want to stay at home?” Also, discuss how each partner was raised and what you liked and didn’t like about it.

What is Your Communication Style?

Everyone hears that communication is crucial for a relationship, but it can be tricky to know how to have healthy communication if you both seem to have different communication styles. Does one of you need time to think things over? Does one of you speak off the cuff and then regret it? Does one of you communicate better in writing? Unlock the communication issue and everything else gets easier.

What Are Your Deal-Breakers?

They may be about traditional issues—whether you want children, what religion you want them to be raised, what you need from a partner, but they can also look totally different. Your deal-breakers could be about where you need to live, passion projects you want to pursue, or career goals you need support to meet. Knowing these non-negotiables will give you a good sense of the landscape of your future and whether it works for both of you. If your deal-breakers fit together, your marriage has a much stronger chance of survival.

 

How Much Alone Time Do You Need?

Everyone needs alone time, but some people need more than others. If you don’t know that alone time is a normal need for your partner, you may assume that they’re withdrawn, angry, or resentful when they seek space. Establishing early on that you both need alone time—and how that manifests—will not only strengthen your relationship, it will prevent confusion in the future.

What are Your Biggest Fears?

It might not be an easy question, but it’s one that can get you right to the bottom of what makes someone tick. Marriage is about understanding—and not just understanding your hopes, dreams, and ambitions. It’s also about understanding fears, regrets, and struggles—especially in relation to marriage. Make sure that you’re asking the tough questions and your marriage will have a much deeper level of understanding.

How Do We Deal With In-Laws?

When trying to create a new family, it’s necessary to set boundaries regarding in-laws. Though being close to family is endearing, it may pose challenges later on, especially if you and your partner’s family don’t see eye to eye.

 

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